Who am I?

Who am I?

I would like to tell you a story about a woman called Bridget. Her story is not based on a real live person, but I felt it might be helpful to share this with you, as a reader. Her story might especially resonate with you if you feel lost, trapped and in the dark. Perhaps do you feel like you are stuck in a labyrinth?

Many of us may feel some, or all, of what Bridget experiences, and working together with a counsellor for a period can help you to work out for yourself a way out, to see the light.

This is a story about Bridget …

Bridget was feeling shut off, stuck, and slightly panicked. She had just started to experience panic attacks which scared her – she felt like she was going to die. Recently, Bridget started to do some reading around self-care and had a couple of lightbulb moments …

The biggest of these lightbulb moments was the realisation that she, Bridget, is a people pleaser!

In situations where she had to say no, she always felt awkward. She often felt guilty for saying no and has long wondered whether she put her refusals across in the right way. It made for awkward conversations, and she often thought this could be her fault. She rarely disagreed with people, too, as she believed she lacked strong enough opinions, or that her opinions weren’t developed enough for her to hold her ground and put her argument across.

For a long time, she felt she didn’t have the guts to change anything about her life. That people around her, including her partner, offered very little encouragement to be who she wanted to be. Bridget always felt that other people’s needs were more important that her own. She had often noticed she felt drained after connecting with other people.  Bridget knew she came across as confident, agreeable, and ‘nice’, but it exhausted her.

Bridget wished she had the energy and confidence in her own opinions and beliefs to assert herself. And as she began to read up on the concept of self-care, she started to notice that she was unsure of her opinions and unsure of her values in life. She began to question ‘Who am I, really?’. She dearly wanted to continue nurturing those around her, but she also wanted to begin nurturing herself. Maybe if she looked after herself more, she would feel more energised she thought. And maybe, just maybe, people will like her more.

You see, Bridget looked up to people who knew their own minds. She saw them as popular, likeable. They seemed to handle difficult conversations much better than she could, and they seemed to be able to put their point of view across in the right way.

Bridget had recently come across this phrase, ‘Your vibe attracts your tribe’. This resonated with her, and she felt some comfort in knowing that there was a tribe out there somewhere: her tribe. She had already noticed this happening when she began outdoor swimming; she had connected with lovely people who also enjoyed the same activities. In this new-to-her group she felt valued, supported, and worthy. It had already done wonders for her confidence.

With all her self-care reading, Bridget had another lightbulb moment.  She had realised – that her upbringing had given her an unconscious message that she was not ‘good enough’. She had learned that by placating her parents and siblings, she had felt safer – like the world was okay, it was smoother. It was better to please others and put their needs above her own. If others were ok, then she would be ok.

But she knew now that this was NOT ok. That other people’s needs should not take priority over hers. She knew, deep down, that she IS ok. And so, Bridget knew she wanted to change. She felt like she wanted to peel back the layers of her that have grown, but she felt stuck and wondered how she could go about doing that. There were elements in her life that were positive; for a start, her new relationships seemed healthier.  She was showing up exactly how she wanted to be seen, her true self. It was the letting-go-of-who-she-was part, and further uncovering who she truly is, that needed to be worked on.

Bridget’s self-care journey led her to the practice of self-compassion, after a new friend from the outdoor swimming group recommended the work of Kristen Neff in this field.

Her mind was opening to new ways of looking after herself, and of being herself. As she listened to a work colleague sharing about her own anxiety, and how she had started to see a counsellor and was finding it helpful, Bridget wondered whether this could be the way forward for her.

Perhaps this was how she could discover the answer to ‘Who am I’.

If any of this resonates with you and would like to reach out, please get in touch I will be happy to hear from you.

With warm wishes

Debbie